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^ Drinks Pepsi because Coca-Cola is too strong for him
 
^ drinks near beer for the same reason.
 
^doesn't realize pads are extremely uncomfortable and the wings don't work
 
^ Always wanted to be a hocky player, so removes his pads after 3 periods.
 
^ doesn't eat ice cream because it goes straight to his hips.
 
^ found a BBW on Craigs List who secretely calls him "Malcom" while at seedy hotels.
 
^Has the complete Barbara Striesand collection on vinyl
 
^ Snores like a congested elephant during crucial 4th quarter moments